Deal or No Deal?

Recently, I was watching the Masterclass with Chris Voss. Chris is the author of Never Split the Difference and a former FBI hostage negotiator.

After watching it, I had to share what was in it with you.

The first few things he talked about are the principles of “Mirroring” and “Labeling”

Mirroring:

This concept is pretty simple.

The idea is to repeat the last 1-3 words the other person says in a questioning tone. Often people will keep talking about and give more information on what they were just saying.

In a way, you are asking the other person to expand on what they just said without them feeling like it’s an interview. Communicating it through tone instead of with words.

This reminds me of a quote in the book How to Win Friends and Influence People where Dale Carnegie says, “To be interesting you have to be interested.”

Labeling:

Labeling is when you state a characteristic or personality trait about someone to them.

When you state that someone has a positive trait or characteristic they tend to want to live up to that ideal that you have of them. Similarly, if you state that someone doesn’t have a negative trait they will avoid acting with that trait to maintain your image of them.

The key here is basing the positive or negative trait you pick on something they say or do. Believe what you’re saying.

Here are some ways to label:

1. You seem like a (fill in the blank) kind of person.

2. It sounds like you really value (fill in the blank).

3. Thank you for being so …

There are many ways to do it but those are just a few.

Robert Cialdini talks about this idea of living up to the ideal someone has of us in his book Influence. He calls it Commitment and Consistency.